We’re absolutely on the brink of writing some prose. In fact, I had the chance to view part of Heide’s first draft for the “Dating” chapter which made me laugh out loud in a public place (always a good sign).
I, unlike Heide, am afraid to just start with a cool idea and hit the keyboard. I’m still at the horribly intricate, line by line planning process I put myself through (I’ll blog on this later in order to share my pain). I’m working on the “Rock ‘n’ Roll” chapter that Heide has provided the synopsis for (which, again, made me laugh out loud although this time it was in my kitchen so that’s less embarrassing).
Part of this storyline involves Clovenhoof starting up his own heavy metal band and doing some live gigs.
Now, I do like a bit of heavy metal. And by that I mean I  spent about eighteen months in my youth wearing unwashed black clothes and listening to Metallica. I am actually one of those pseudo-metal fans who preferred Metallica’s black album because you could, for once, hum along to the tunes. If, one day, someone did a folk-prog cover of Enter Sandman, perhaps with a jazz flute solo, I would die of ecstasy.
Despite my extensive heavy metal experience, I needed some ideas for Clovenhoof’s band, including the band name, song titles and their crazy antics. And thank God (or should that be Satan?) for the wonders of the internet.
There is a fantastic Random Metal Band Name Generator at http://b10m.swal.org/cgi-bin/bandname.cgi. A simple click gives me unforgettable bands such as Divine Marauder, Weeping Angel and Bestial Assault. Ticking the lovely ‘include non-evil words’ box gives us gentler wonders such as Deeds of Goats, Terminal Panda and (is it unimaginative or mysterious?) …And Skulls.
But what songs did they write, these unheard of heroes of rock? Just click on Return to the Pit’s Metal Song Title Generator (http://returntothepit.com/bullshit.php) and you will find yourself recalling such gems as Lust on the Altar of the Apocalypse, Withered Bastard, Goregrinder and the haunting melodic masterpiece that was Festering with that Luminescent Fornication.
Certainly, Clovenhoof may be claiming some of these song titles as his own, but what will his path to stardom be like. Wiki-how has a sensible step by step guide to music stardom (http://www.wikihow.com/Become-a-Rockstar) but Clovenhoof won’t be doing anything as sensible as practise or spend his money wisely. He’s going to be living a life of drugs, groupies, hangers-on and stage-diving before he’s even learned three chords. Now where’s the website for that?